What Hurts the Most
by jensensgirl
Summary: Dave and Marianne Batista have only one son until they receive the shocking tragic news that will change their lives forever. TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

What Hurts the Most - One Shot

**_For Ryan – I can still see your angelic face and your infectious smile 15 years later_**

I disclaim

Marianne received the call every Mother prayed she'd never get. Her instincts kicked in and she ran from her office, not a word to her assistant. The police told her they'd contacted her husband also and he was going to meet her at the hospital. She couldn't think of anything but her son and drove on autopilot. She arrived at the hospital at NASCAR speed and ran as fast as she could inside. Her husband was already there and waiting for her in the lobby. They found out their son was getting x-rays, MRIs, Cat scans, every test possible and could wait for him in the children's ICU.

Dave and Marianne Batista paced the floor and hadn't spoken to eachother in the hour they'd been there. She started to crack as she thought more and more about it. She looked at her husband with pain written all over her, "What in the hell is going on and why haven't we heard anything? What's happening to him?" Her voice grew louder as the tears began to spill down her face. "Who can answer us? Where are the doctors? He's was supposed to be safe." The hysteria she fought to control began to take over. Dave looked at his wife as he fought his own emotions. He went to hug her and she pushed him away. She fell to her knees, "My baby." Her body wracked with sobs as they gained control of her, "My baby boy." She rocked herself back and forth.

Several of Dave's coworkers came to support them and had a hard time watching the scene unfold before them. Hearts breaking for the parents of a child whose fate lay in the hands of God. Everyone sat in silence, sniffles could be heard every few seconds and Marianne just sat on her knees silently sobbing. She wanted to scream and pull her hair, punch something, someone, she would do anything to make this stop.

"Mr and Mrs Batista?" Everyone looked over at the doctor and knew something was terribly wrong. Marianne stayed on the floor and Dave froze in his spot. Stephanie and Trish sat on either side of Marianne. Paul and Shawn surrounded Dave. The doctor took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry…" That was all the doctor got out before Marianne started screaming. "We did all we could for him. There's too much damage." Even the doctor had a hard time, he hated this. The lump in his throat tried to choke him but he knew he had to continue. He heart breaking for the woman screaming before him. He looked at Dave who had to bend over to catch his breath. His hands were on his knees which were trying to hold him up, his body visibly shaking as he cried for his only son.

"Where's my son?" Marianne suddenly stood shocking everyone. She had gone to the place most parents go to deal with this, the land of denial. "I want to see him…now."

"Brennan has been moved to a room down the hall." Marianne took off without hearing another word. "Mrs Batista wait…" The doctor tried to grab Marianne and missed. He looked at the two women who had been sitting with her. "She shouldn't go alone, room 724." The doctor turned to Dave. "He's on a ventilator to keep him breathing." Dave looked up hopeful and the doctor saw this. "He took an extreme blow to the right side of his head. It's irreparable." The doctor hoped he didn't have to say the words, hoped they understood.

Trish and Stephanie ran down the hall catching up to Marianne and stopping her before she went into her son's room. They both stood in front of the door not knowing what to say. Marianne looked at them imploringly. She pushed through them and her world was suddenly in slow motion. She looked to her left to see her son lying in bed with machines on either side of him. Her hands flew to her face as she stared at him. Stephanie and Trish stood on either side sharing the same expression. They both tried to get Marianne out of the room but she stood frozen to her spot for several minutes. "This isn't happening." She spun around and ran back out to where she knew her husband would be.

As soon as she spotted him she plowed into him trying to hurt him as best she could. "You did this! This was all your idea." Marianne screamed at Dave who stood there letting his wife hit him and blame him. He looked into his wife's eyes and his pain doubled. He had his own pain, but looking into his wife's eyes made it hurt worse. "You said he should go to after school care so he could be with his friends. You said he'd be fine riding the bus. This is your fault, you killed my son." As soon as the words were out of her mouth Dave grabbed her hands and the pain on his face turned to anger.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I blame myself? He's my son too, Mare." Dave shoved her away and walked towards his son's room with Marianne hot on his heels. He opened the door and his world turned to slow motion. He stood at the foot of the bed staring at his boy.

Stephanie and Trish tried to describe to everyone what they saw. "His little head, his little face." Stephanie couldn't do it and Paul held his wife as she cried. Trish looked at Randy, John, Mark, the whole group silently asking.

Trish spoke softly, her voice cracking as she spoke, "His face is badly bruised, his little arms are broken, his head…his little head…" She couldn't say it either. John held his girlfriend as she broke down. The doctor was still standing there and the group looked to him for answers.

"Brennan is brain dead. His head hit the window of the bus extremely hard and there's… nothing left to fix." The audible gasp from everyone caused the doctor to jump. Mark looked over and saw Dave walking towards them with his head down. He seemed to be moving automatically and didn't even stop as he approached. He reached over grabbing the big man's arm stopping him. Dave looked up and had a blank expression.

Stephanie and Trish went back to Marianne in Brennan's room and the guys sat with Dave. "He looks so small. All those machines on his little body." Dave's heart broke in front of them and they all shed tears. "He's only five years old." Dave looked at the guys as if one of them could make this all disappear. "He's only five." Dave stood and began pacing again. He ran his hands through his hair and tried to process everything. "Will someone explain to me the purpose of killing a five year old boy? Explain to me what life lesson I'm supposed to learn from the death of my son. Tell me!"

Stephanie and Trish slowly entered Brennan's room and saw Marianne in bed with her son. She cuddled with him and kept kissing his face. She was still silently sobbing, her eyes closed as she held her son. "They said we need to make a decision. They said he won't make it through the night. They said Brennan's not in there anymore." Marianne looked at her two best friends for answers and the sobbing began again. She still kissed his face and held his hands. "My baby."

Trish couldn't watch anymore and left the room. She went back down the hallway and saw the police approaching. They gave Dave a summary of what happened. A man was on his lunch break and was talking on his cell phone. He dropped it and tried to reach down and get it. His car drifted across into oncoming traffic. Brennan's bus driver tried to get out of the way and overcompensated sending the bus into a ditch. The right side of the bus was against the ground and the back right side was crushed. This is where they found Brennan.

"The driver of the car wishes to speak with the parents of the boy." One of the officers said hesitantly. Dave looked at him as if he were going to rip his face off. The police instinctively stepped back.

"I'll get Marianne." Shawn said patting Dave on the back. He dreaded telling Marianne the man who did this was in the hospital. He walked into the room and froze. Marianne was talking to Brennan, kissing and hugging him. Every few seconds she'd start sobbing again. Shawn whispered to Steph but Marianne heard him. She got out of bed and walked out with the look of a lioness avenging the death of her cub. Shawn and Stephanie followed at the rapid pace set by the lioness. When they approached the group they all turned and saw Marianne walk swiftly past them.

"Mare…Mare…" Dave went after his wife. The group went to the emergency room where the man was being treated for cuts and bruises. They saw the parents of the other children who also only had cuts and bruises. The police had explained Brennan was the only one with more than a few scrapes and scratches. Marianne stopped and looked at all of them shocked. Shell shocked. Her son was the only one hurt.

"Mr and Mrs Batista?" A man said gently behind them. He panicked when he realized who they were. He watched wrestling and was a fan of Dave's but he wasn't about to share that with anyone. "I'm very sorry about your son. I wasn't paying attention…" Marianne pushed through the group with such speed nobody had a chance to grab her. She literally leapt at the guy and punched him.

"How dare you request to speak to me and my husband." Her words dripped with venom and it made everyone's hair stand on end. "How dare you look me in the eye and try to apologize for the death of my son." She smacked him so hard and fast the man stumbled and grabbed his face. Blood, her rings had cut him below his eye. He looked stunned and almost ran back to his room in the ER. Marianne stood there for a moment composing herself. She turned and looked at Dave.

All she saw was her son's face. He was the exact replica of his father; his skin color, his hair color, his eyes, his smile, everything. She started sobbing again and this time she went to her husband. She needed to feel him, needed to know he was there no matter how much she yelled at him. "I'm sorry." Marianne managed to choke out through her tears. Dave held her as tight as he could and let his own tears fall again. He kissed her all over her face trying to convey his feelings. They walked back to the elevators holding eachother. They rode up alone and said nothing. He just held her.

Dave and Marianne slept in Brennan's room that night. Dave slept in the extra bed and Marianne slept with her son. Neither one slept really, they just went through the motions, catching small little naps. The following morning another doctor arrived to give a second opinion. He agreed with the prognosis of the resident pediatric neurologist. When both doctors left the room Dave pushed the extra bed over by his son. Both parents surrounded their only son, their only child, and expressed their love. They talked about the day he was conceived, how much he moved in Marianne's tummy. He was born Christmas morning as the sun rose. Most babies lost a few ounces by the time they left the hospital, not the Batista baby. He gained half a pound in two days. They smiled as they remembered Brennan's birth and his first few weeks with them. He was the sunshine of their lives. The rain, the moon, the stars, their world revolved around this boy.

Their friends began arriving and shared their own memories of Brennan. They all laughed and cried for the next few hours. The doctors and nurses arrived late afternoon and signaled it was time. Marianne began to panic. She wasn't ready, she needed more time; she had so much to say. She clung to her child as the sobs wracked her body again. "No…no…not yet…get away from him!" She tried to keep the doctors and nurses away from his machines. "Dave, help me, they're trying to kill him." She screamed for anyone to help her and it made it harder for the doctors and nurses. They tried to remain unaffected by these things, but the mother's reactions always tore at their hearts. They were trained to keep an emotional distance, but how could they when a mother begged for the life of her only child.

"Please don't…please don't take him from me." Marianne looked at the staff begging with her eyes. Dave couldn't listen to this and wanted to run from the room. He knew his wife needed him but he couldn't listen to her it was killing him. Her cries and pleas were ripping him apart and he was at his breaking point. "Five more minutes, please. Just five more minutes, that's all I'm asking."

The doctors looked at Dave who gave the slightest nod. He walked to his wife and crawled into the bed behind her. He reached over her and held his son's hand. She felt his body shake from his silent cries, his face buried in her hair. "David, please, help me. Don't let them take our son." She clung to her boy and screamed for his life. Marianne heard the click of the switch that gave her son air. "No! No! Turn it back on, he needs that; turn it on!" She tried to reach for the switch but Dave held her close. "Listen to me! Please turn it back on…please." She laid on top of Brennan and let her emotions take over.

"My baby boy. Mommy loves you so much. I love you…I love you." She stroked his head and kissed his face. The heart monitor became a solid stream of sound. "Mommy loves you, I will always love you my beautiful boy." Mother and Father held their son as he passed from this world to the next.

Six months had passed since the death of their son. Dave was all Marianne could hope for. He held her when she cried and let her sleep in Brennan's bed when she needed too. He comforted her without words which are what she wanted most. She didn't want to hear her son was in a better place, they could have another child. She thought it was cruel of people to say these things to a grieving mother. Dave was everything she needed without having to ask. She knew he was struggling day to day also and did all she could for him.

Dave arrived home one Saturday evening and looked around the house for his wife. He knew where she was he just hoped she was somewhere else. He went to their bedroom and put down his bags. He took his wallet out of his back pocket placing it on the dresser. As he took off his watch he noticed a white stick with a plus sign in a window. He knew exactly what this was and he smiled. He removed his watch and went to the one place his wife would be. Dave stood in the doorway watching Marianne. She was humming and looking out the window at the stars. One hand on her tummy, another held the shirt Brennan wore on the day they lost him. She held it to her face as her tears fell. He walked up behind her and wrapped her in his comforting arms. Dave kissed his wife's neck and looked out the window with her.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry_

_Every once in a while even though going on with you gone_

_Still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do


	2. Chapter 2

What Hurts the Most – Chapter Two, last chapter

I disclaim

Marianne turned in her husband's arms and let her emotions go. On one hand she was happy to be pregnant again, albeit accidental. On the other hand she felt as if she was moving on, like she was going to forget Brennan eventually, or was expected too. She wasn't ready to move on, to accept the fact that her life had to go on without her son in it. She had admitted to Dave she thought about ending her life so she could be with her son. Religion didn't matter; the rules about the after life and what happened when you took your own life didn't matter. She would fight in Heaven, Hell or on Earth to be with her son again. To hug him, kiss him, see his smile, anything. Time heals all wounds they say. Total bullshit. The wounds are still raw. The only thing stopping her was her husband. She could never do this to him, she didn't have the courage too.

-------------------------------------------------

Dave watched in awe as his wife's belly grew with the passing months. She talked to this baby like she did with Brennan. She played music, read books, sang, told stories. He loved his wife with his entire soul. He received a call in the early morning hours from Stephanie. He jumped in his rental car and sped to the hospital. He arrived as Marianne was being wheeled into surgery. He was rushed into a gown and cap and shoved into the operating room. He sat by Marianne's head and kissed her. An hour later Dave emerged and told the crowd he had a son. The baby was in the nursery being examined and would be taken to Marianne when they were finished. He wasn't cursed to live a life of unhappiness. He had a healthy son and an amazing wife.

He stared at his son through the glass. Steph rubbed his back. "He looks just like Mare." He said and smiled. Stephanie nodded and went to see if Marianne was ready for visitors.

"Let's take that beautiful boy to see his Mother." She said as she returned. Stephanie smiled at the big man and he agreed.

When they walked in with a blue bundle she had to tear up. Dave handed the boy to his Mom and she kissed his forehead instantly. Tears fell down her cheeks as she remembered Brennan's birth. Looking into her new son's chocolate eyes, she knew nobody would replace Brennan. He was not a substitute for his older brother. He was a gift from God telling Marianne everything would be ok. All was right in the world, everything was as it should be. God needed Brennan for something special and he needed him now. Jackson David Batista looked at his Mom and soon drifted to sleep.


End file.
